Horse Poems & Quotes

Thoroughbred: I changed it an hour ago. C’mon you
guys - catch up!
* Arabian: Who ME?? Do WHAT? I’m scared of light
bulbs! I’m outta here!
* Quarter Horse: Put all the bulbs in a pen and
tell me which one you want.
* Standardbred: Oh for Pete’s Sake, give me the
darn bulb and let’s be done with it.
* Shetland: Give it to me. I’ll kill it and we
won’t have to worry about it anymore.
* Friesian: I would, but I can’t see where I’m
going from behind all this mane.
* Belgian: Put the Shetland on my back, maybe he can
reach it then.
* Warmblood: Is the 2nd Level Instruction Packet in English?
Doesn’t anyone realize that I was sold for
$75K as a yearling, but only because my hocks are
bad, otherwise I would be worth $100K? I am NOT
changing light bulbs. Make the TB get back here and do it.
* Morgan: Me! Me! Me! Pleeease let me! I wanna do
it! I’m gonna do it! I know how, really I do! Just watch! I’ll rewire the
barn after, too.
* Appaloosa: Ya’ll are a bunch of losers. We don’t
need to change the light bulb; I ain’t scared of the dark. And someone make
that darn Morgan stop jumping up and down before I double barrel him.
* Haflinger: That thing I ate was a light bulb?
* Mustang: Light bulb? Let’s go on a trail ride,
instead. And camp. Out in the open like REAL horses.
* Lipizzaner: Hah, amateurs. I will change the light
bulb. Not only that, but I will do it while standing on my hind legs and
balancing it on my nose, after which I will perform seven flying lead changes
in a row and a capriole. Can you do that? Huh? Huh? Didn’t think so.
* Miniature: I bet you think I can’t do it just
cause I’m small. You know what that is? It’s sizeism!
* Akhal Te ke: I will only change it if it’s my
owner’s light bulb and no one else has ever touched it.
* Andalusian: I will delegate the changing of the
light bulb to my personal
groom after he finishes shampooing my mane and
cleaning my saddle, but only
on the condition that it is changed for a soft blue
or pink bulb, which
reflects better off my coat while I exhibit my
astonishing gaits.
* Cleveland Bay: I’m busy. Make the whipper-in and
the hounds do it.
* Saddlebred: My ears are up already, please, please
get the &#/~..# light bulb away from me! I’m ready to show, really, I
promise I’ll win!
* Paint: Put all the light bulbs in a pen, tell me
which one you want, and my owner will bet you twenty bucks I can get it
before the quarter horse.
* POA: I’m not changing it. I’m the one who kicked
the old one and broke it in the first place, remember?
Now, excuse me, I have a grain room to break into.
* Grade Horse: Guys? Um, guys? I hope you don’t
mind, but I went ahead and
changed it while you were all arguing.

From an email sent by Susan Drake
Posted by Diana Wold

A man rode somewhere and got there on friday, he stayed 2 nights, and rode back on friday, how did he do this??

>>His horses name is friday

Posted by L. Craig

10. Drop a heavy steel object on your foot. Don’t pick
it up right away. Shout, “Get off, Get off, GET OFF!”

9.Leap out of a moving vehicle & practice “relaxing in
the fall.” Roll lithely into a ball and spring to your
feet.

8. Learn to grab your checkbook out of your purse and
write out a $200 check without even looking down.

7.Jog long distances carrying a halter and a carrot.
Go ahead and tell the neighbors what you are doing -
they might as well know now.

6. Affix a pair of reins to a moving freight train and
practice pulling it to a halt. Smile as if you are
having fun!

5. Hone your fibbing skills “See, hon, moving hay
bales in FUN!” & “No, really, I’m glad your lucky
performance and multimillion dollar horse won the blue
ribbon. I am just thankful that my hard work and
actual ability won me second place.”

4.Practice dialing your chiropractor’s number with
both arms paralyzed to the shoulder and one foot
anchoring the lead rope of a frisky horse.

3. Borrow the US Army slogan: Be All That You Can Be -
bitten, thrown, kicked, slimed, trampled, frozen, etc.

2. Lie face down in a puddle of mud in your most
expensive riding clothes and repeat to yourself, “This
is a learning experience, this is a learning
experience, this is…”

1. The number 1 exercise to become a better equestrian
- marry money!!

Posted by Jackie.

1. I am human. You are horse. What I say goes. Please
take that into consideration when you are standing on
my foot.

2. Spilled grain is not “fair game”, especially when
it is spilled in another horse’s stall. It still
belongs to that particular horse. You have no reason
to go in and eat it.

3. Poop does not need to be hidden. I clean your stall
every day. I will find it. Do not hide it.

4. I do not need your help when I clean the barn, nor
do I need your supervision, or even your presence. I
have been cleaning the barn and stalls ever since you
lived here. I know what I am doing. Standing at the
door staring at me, will not make me clean faster.

5. There is no need to go into the barn and help
yourself to the feed. Meals are given at specific
times of the day. There is a feed schedule. You know
the schedule. I know you know the schedule. You know
that I know that you know the schedule.

6. Water buckets are not toys. Neither is the gate,
pitchfork, wheel barrow, whatever is in the wheel
barrow, fence, or the occasional dog.

7. The wheel barrow is there for a reason. Please do
not try to move it while I am cleaning your stall.

8. Just because I go into the barn doesn’t mean you
automatically get food. There is other stuff in the
barn. Stuff you don’t want. Like wormer and fly spray.

9. Sheath cleaning will NOT be enjoyed…by anyone.

10. Water travels through the hose. If you are
thirsty, do not stand on the hose. The water buckets
will fill much faster.

11. Not everything has to be high drama. None of the
following things will kill you: fly spray, plastic
bags, balloons, hoses, chipmunks and other small
rodents, or bright blue tarps.

12. Although I understand the need for you to go to
the bathroom, it is not necessary to hold it in all
day until the moment I finish cleaning your stall and
put away the wheel barrow.

13. Accidents happen. However, I’m not altogether sure
you’re not trying to kill yourself. Next time you
decide to impale yourself on some sort of object,
please try to do it when it’s not hailing, midnight,
the weekend, or Christmas.

14. While I appreciate your need to be clean, pooping
in your water bucket does not make my job easier, and
it deprives you of water. Please find a new spot.

15. Whinnying as loudly as you can in my face does not
make me feed you any faster.

Posted by Jackie.

A woman came home at the end of the day and was greeted at the door by her
“hunky” husband who was dressed in nothing but very sexy, silk boxers.

“Tie me up”, the hunky husband growled, “and you can do
anything you want.”

So the woman tied him up… and went riding.

Compliments of J. Kelly