Horse Poems, Quotes & Jokes

10. Drop a heavy steel object on your foot. Don’t pick
it up right away. Shout, “Get off, Get off, GET OFF!”

9.Leap out of a moving vehicle & practice “relaxing in
the fall.” Roll lithely into a ball and spring to your
feet.

8. Learn to grab your checkbook out of your purse and
write out a $200 check without even looking down.

7.Jog long distances carrying a halter and a carrot.
Go ahead and tell the neighbors what you are doing -
they might as well know now.

6. Affix a pair of reins to a moving freight train and
practice pulling it to a halt. Smile as if you are
having fun!

5. Hone your fibbing skills “See, hon, moving hay
bales in FUN!” & “No, really, I’m glad your lucky
performance and multimillion dollar horse won the blue
ribbon. I am just thankful that my hard work and
actual ability won me second place.”

4.Practice dialing your chiropractor’s number with
both arms paralyzed to the shoulder and one foot
anchoring the lead rope of a frisky horse.

3. Borrow the US Army slogan: Be All That You Can Be -
bitten, thrown, kicked, slimed, trampled, frozen, etc.

2. Lie face down in a puddle of mud in your most
expensive riding clothes and repeat to yourself, “This
is a learning experience, this is a learning
experience, this is…”

1. The number 1 exercise to become a better equestrian
- marry money!!

Posted by Jackie.

1. I am human. You are horse. What I say goes. Please
take that into consideration when you are standing on
my foot.

2. Spilled grain is not “fair game”, especially when
it is spilled in another horse’s stall. It still
belongs to that particular horse. You have no reason
to go in and eat it.

3. Poop does not need to be hidden. I clean your stall
every day. I will find it. Do not hide it.

4. I do not need your help when I clean the barn, nor
do I need your supervision, or even your presence. I
have been cleaning the barn and stalls ever since you
lived here. I know what I am doing. Standing at the
door staring at me, will not make me clean faster.

5. There is no need to go into the barn and help
yourself to the feed. Meals are given at specific
times of the day. There is a feed schedule. You know
the schedule. I know you know the schedule. You know
that I know that you know the schedule.

6. Water buckets are not toys. Neither is the gate,
pitchfork, wheel barrow, whatever is in the wheel
barrow, fence, or the occasional dog.

7. The wheel barrow is there for a reason. Please do
not try to move it while I am cleaning your stall.

8. Just because I go into the barn doesn’t mean you
automatically get food. There is other stuff in the
barn. Stuff you don’t want. Like wormer and fly spray.

9. Sheath cleaning will NOT be enjoyed…by anyone.

10. Water travels through the hose. If you are
thirsty, do not stand on the hose. The water buckets
will fill much faster.

11. Not everything has to be high drama. None of the
following things will kill you: fly spray, plastic
bags, balloons, hoses, chipmunks and other small
rodents, or bright blue tarps.

12. Although I understand the need for you to go to
the bathroom, it is not necessary to hold it in all
day until the moment I finish cleaning your stall and
put away the wheel barrow.

13. Accidents happen. However, I’m not altogether sure
you’re not trying to kill yourself. Next time you
decide to impale yourself on some sort of object,
please try to do it when it’s not hailing, midnight,
the weekend, or Christmas.

14. While I appreciate your need to be clean, pooping
in your water bucket does not make my job easier, and
it deprives you of water. Please find a new spot.

15. Whinnying as loudly as you can in my face does not
make me feed you any faster.

Posted by Jackie.